WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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