Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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