you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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