i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
