i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
