everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
