the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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