We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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