My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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