i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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