I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize