ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
