i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
