all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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