Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
