Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
