Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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