On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
