about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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