It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize