I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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