Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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