That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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