she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think i got beer on your cat.
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