It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
