is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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