They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
