The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
