there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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