Just cropdusted the office
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
