I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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