I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
