Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
