bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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