i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
