tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
