I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
