If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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