i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
