you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
