i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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