We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
