So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
