He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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