I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize