and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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