Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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