can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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