I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
