whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
