she woke up with a sticky ear
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
