I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
