OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
