I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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