last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
