Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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