The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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