Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
