If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
