i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
