Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
