Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
FUCK WHALES
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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