I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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