just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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