Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
