shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
