Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
