Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
