So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize