This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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