How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't turn off my feet"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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