you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
