wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
