No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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