Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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