Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
