You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
