In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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