i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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