I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
